Bridge, Sex, and Love

Not necessarily in that order. To many the royal wedding has brought back sweet memories of their own most significant occasion(s). Even Elton John seemed moved. Curiously, the Anglican view is that the coming together of this man and this woman means they are allowed to join hands at the altar and kiss chastely on a balcony in full view of thousands of wildly cheering onlookers. The rest is in the hands of the Almighty who works in mysterious ways. Women’s curiosity as to what Kate would look like in her wedding gown has been satisfied, whereas, like most men, I am left wondering what she would look like in her nightie. Knowing the English climate well I imagine an ankle-to-chin form-fitting flannelette with miniature red roses and French lace cuffs – a Performance design from Marks and Spencer.

Success at bridge, like success at love, entails a certain amount of risk taking. The Italians are good at both, because they don’t confuse theory with practice. To an Italian male the only true, everlasting love is that between a mother and her son. Most of us can agree that in theory every action should have a good reason behind it, but the Swedes carry this further by requiring, not one, but two good reasons. Finding that elusive second reason often proves an insurmountable barrier to having sex, and also has a detrimental effect on their slam bidding, as we shall soon demonstrate. At one time Swedish doctors recommended sex after a sauna as part of a fitness regimen until it was demonstrated that bicycling was more beneficial to one’s health provided one dressed warmly and obeyed all stop signs.

In Japan sex is considered a transformational experience during which the Spirit temporarily is freed of the earthly fetters that bind it to the Self. When in Japanese a woman says to a man that she likes him, she is in essence asking, ‘are you, as I am now, feeling transformational?’ There is no exact equivalent in English. In the UK sex manuals traditionally are written by failed novelists, but one mustn’t be too clinical in one’s approach. The Americans are too concerned with physical dimensions while the French, who rent rooms by the hour, spend too much time looking at their watches. North American parents are hopeless on sex, being more informative about credit cards than about condoms, perhaps on fear of being condemned for destroying youthful innocence, with the result that pre-teens get their sex education from pornographic S&M sites on the world-wide web. Bridgewise, most American players are keen on gadgets, but have only one route to slam – through RKCB. They rush to a conclusion never having been taught how to go slow and cue-bid properly.

The royal nuptials were preceded by the prestigious Yeh Bros International Tournament in Wuxi, an ancient Chinese city of 2.2 million whose name you may not be able to pronounce properly. I was surprised China was not among the final four of the teams event joining Italy, Sweden, USA, and Japan, but that would have made it five, wouldn’t it? Of the final four, only the Japanese were playing a system that had its roots in Standard American. It was an all European final where the favored Lavazza team (Duboin, Bocchi, Madala, and Sementa) were opposed by Sweden (Fredin, Fallenius, Nystrom, and Bertheau) who had made the finals for 3 straight tournaments. Like Kate and William they had got the hard part over with, so could settle down to enjoy their situation with a relaxed feeling of accomplishment. We settled in our seats with the expectation that the Swedes would perform at their best in familiar circumstances, but it was not to be as Italy creamed Sweden in the first session. It was practically over before it began. Even though fatigue may have been a factor, it should not be a time to let nerves adversely affect performance. The correct attitude is that one has had one’s successes with this partner, there is lots of time available, so one mustn’t become upset by a few initial failures.

The troubles for Sweden started as early as Board 2 where Fallenius played the role of the nervous, yet willing, bride.

Dealer: East Vul: NS	North ♠ 6 ♥ KQ962 ♦ 76 ♣ A8762
West ♠ AK1082 ♥ 1043 ♦ QJ5 ♣ K9		East ♠ QJ54 ♥ J8 ♦ A984 ♣ J103
	South ♠ 973 ♥ A75 ♦ K1032 ♣ Q54

West	North	East	South
—	—	PASS	PASS
1♠	PASS	2♠	PASS
PASS	3♣	3♠	4♥
PASS	PASS	4♠	ALL PASS

Most pairs with the East hand have a way to show a mixed raise with 4 trumps. This normally involves a jump to the 3-level, considered safe on the basis of the 9-card fit. Fallenius’ single raise showed a mild liking for spades, allowing Bocchi to come in late with a bid that showed hearts and clubs. After Fallenius showed a more than mild liking, Madala, who has learned to be Italian, moved boldly to a vulnerable game in hearts. Fallenius now professed he loved spades, but the effect had been ruined. Bocchi doubled on the sound of the auction, and he was right. It would have mattered less if the contract went down only 1, but Fredin, perhaps upset by the coyness of his partner’s approach, fumbled it completely and went down 3. At the other table the Swedish East-West passed throughout and defended 3♠ , making 140, a team loss of 12 IMPs. Which proves that being cautious can be dangerous.

The Italian lead was up 16 IMPs with carry-over, when their aggressive bidding set up a killing defence against a normal 3NT.

Dealer: North Vul: NS	North ♠ QJ7 ♥ A2 ♦ AK4 ♣ 109864
West ♠ 10865 ♥ 109754 ♦ — ♣ J75		East ♠ 932 ♥ KQ6 ♦ QJ10 ♣ AQ32
	South ♠ AK4 ♥ J83 ♦ 98763 ♣ K

West	North	East	South
—	1NT	DBL.	PASS
2♥	PASS	PASS	DBL.
PASS	3♣	PASS	3♥
PASS	3NT	ALL PASS

Sementa’s double of 1NT has little to recommend it apart from the result it engendered, another 12 IMP gain. Nystrom, in the role of Nervous Nellie, hid his head under the sheets after the double when he might have ventured boldly with bid of 3NT. His initial pass allowed Duboin to show a suit cheaply, so that when Sementa was on lead against the inevitable game, he chose the ♥K, setting up the ♥Q as the 5^th defensive trick. Bertheau won the first heart and played on diamonds. With the ♣K bare in the dummy, it was not difficult to take 3 club tricks. In the other room the Italians bid 1NT – 3NT and Fallenius led a pitifully passive ♦Q from a 3-card suit which was very helpful to declarer. If the Swedes wanted to lose they were going about it in the right way.

There followed some bad decisions on choice of game and on declarer play. Charitably we might say that it appeared the Swedes were falling into the trap of playing against the grain in the hopes of creating a favorable swing. Down 64 IMPs they avoided a vulnerable slam that Sementa bid on this auction:

4♠

DBL.

5♦

PASS

♠ — ♥ AK108 ♦ K53 ♣ AK842

There may be no correct bid, but pass is for bridesmaids. The horrible session was marked by yet another 13 IMP loss on the following slam that was missed by the Swedes, who fell behind by 76 IMPs after just 12 boards, demonstrating once more that the worst way to create a swing is to underbid. Persistent underbidding is a symptom of a team collapsing. To prevent that happening one should play a system that encourages the users to overbid no matter their current mood. Here is a demonstration.

Dealer: WEST Vul: NS	North ♠ K10976 ♥ 53 ♦ J862 ♣ 96
West ♠ 3 ♥ AK94 ♦ AQ94 ♣ A1082		East ♠ AQJ54 ♥ QJ862 ♦ 73 ♣ 4
	South ♠ 82 ♥ 107 ♦ K105 ♣ KQJ753

West	North	East	South
1♣	PASS	1♥*	PASS
1NT*	PASS	2♦*	PASS
2♥	PASS	3♥	PASS
4♥	ALL PASS

The auction that featured transfers (1♥ and 2♦) and extra strength (1NT) demonstrates that sophistication is no guarantee of a happy result – first you need a bit of oomph. In the above auction two players had a chance to encourage slam exploration, but neither did. At the other table Sementa as East made the final decision by raising 5♥ to 6♥, but it has always been my contention that the strong hand should assume the primary responsibility for getting to the proper level. That entails an asking bid structure that allows the 1♣ opener to investigate the critical areas without putting undue pressure on the holder of the weaker hand. Having such a system means there is less reliance on uncontrollable psychological factors. Here is a simple Precision auction that would get the job done.

1♣ (strong)                1♥ (5 + hearts, 8+HCP)

2♥ (heart honors?)     2NT  (♥Qxxxx)

3♣ (controls?)            3♦ (at most an ace or 2 kings)

3♠ (spade controls?)  4♠ (♠AQ)

5♣ (club control?)      5♥ (singleton)

6♥ Pass

Anyone would be discouraged by the 3♦ response, but it is still possible for responder to hold the minor suit kings. Opener asks in spades to obtain that information indirectly, and finds the only high card control held is the ♠A. Suddenly it appears he may be getting too high. Luckily responder can show a singleton club, so opener, greatly relieved, can attempt slam on the hope that the diamonds are well placed. Not an ideal auction by any means, it would be better if West were the declarer, but one that leads to a happy result largely on momentum – 13 tricks taken. Faint heart ne’er won the Yeh Bros Cup.

Another example of optimism in action is the 1NT opening bid in the range of 14-16 HCP. I use the very same response structure as with a 15-17 HCP range. I’ll owe partner a point, which may be recovered easily on the opening lead. We see the same effect from experts who open light when they feel they can upgrade because of some undisclosed feature, but it is more than merely a better way to evaluate one’s card placement that goes beyond the addition of high card points. The effect would be ruined if partner tried to compensate from his end, so I tell my partners, ‘always assume I have 15 HCP’. We don’t want to hear excuses for missing games, especially at Teams.